As I sit here thinking, I have to remind myself to not let perfection hinder my progress (something I will talk more about in future posts). I fretted about my first post. What do I talk about, will anyone care? Where do I even start? I have decided that most likely, no one will care. My ramblings are not world changing. I am writing and sharing this for myself. If I can help someone else struggling with the same things along the way, why not?
With that in mind, let me start with October 31st, Halloween 2017. My husband and I did not dress up our 16-month little one. Let me repeat that, he did not go as a cute elephant, a superhero, or any other creative picture worthy Pinterest find. I sure as shit did not traipse around house-to-house, in the cold, to get candy he can’t eat, that would be left to my husband and me to devour, ultimately leading to self-loathing and a stomach ache.
Some may say I dropped the ball. I felt awful for the majority of the day, letting my mom guilt consume me to the point of nausea like I found a week old milk cup under the couch. I needed to justify why he was not dressed-up and explain why we weren’t trick-or-treating. I had a list of excuses a mile-long when anyone asked. I felt so guilty that, at one point in the day, I googled easy toddler costumes and plotted a way to fake a “happy” photo to share with everyone. Then I realized, I just didn’t care about the charade today and I should not feel bad for making a choice to make my life easier.
Life is a juggling act and sometimes you have to choose how many items you can handle in the air at one time. My 1-year-old will not remember and did not give two shits about Halloween this year. Why stress, worry and fake a happy “milestone”. Am I a bad mother? By some standards, probably yes.
Instead, I would argue, I am a mediocre mom at best. This blog will be laced with sarcasm, cursing, and honest stories of making it through life. Last night, I made the choice to relax, prepare for the next day, and enjoy reading books, playing, and loving on my little boy. He sure didn’t seem to mind. If he did, he can tell his psychologist in 30 years and blame all his emotional issues on Halloween 2017, when his shitty parents didn’t put forth the effort to take him out.
Plus, there is always next year. I just want to make sure to keep the bar low. It is pretty easy to surpass expectations when they aren’t very high to begin with.